Attachment Theory is The Science of Love March 2, 2026 Attachment Theory Attachment theory sees love as part of our evolutionary design, and the term attachment describes a particular kind of close bond between two people, the kind of connection that when they’re together they feel safe and when they’re apart, they may feel lost. Understanding of Attachment theory can change the way how we love and how we allow others to love us. Origin John Bowlby believed all behaviours makes sense in context → He aimed to understand the parent-child bond as purposeful survival behaviour, not random emotions ↓ The Monkey Experiment (1930) A baby monkey were separated from their mother and offered: A wire mother who provides milk A cloth mother who offered comfort but no milk Result: Monkey chose the cloth mother for safety and comfort They only approached the wire mother when they needed food “We attach to the one who brings warmth and safety, not just physical care.” Human Attachment Strategies Researcher noticed that human infant like baby monkeys, they adapt to get the best care possible Example 1 If a mother responds only to loud distress, the children learns to amplify emotions → This becomes an anxious attachment strategy Example 2 If a mother is uncomfortable with emotions, the child learns to suppress feelings → This becomes an avoidant attachment strategies Both strategies are intelligent adaptations to their environment Safety Enables Learning A secure child has the confidence to explore and learn → When threatened, learning shuts down and survival instincts take over Example: A girl frightened by a dog runs to her parents Their closeness changes her body chemistry, calming her Once soothed, she can return to play Attachment in Adult Relationship (The Application of Attachment Theory to the adult couple bond) Bowlby stated that attachment needs continue from cradle to grave. Later researchers found the same attachment marker in adult relationships; → Adult seeks closeness for protection → Adult protest separation (small, large, even death) A secure adult bond provides: A Safe Haven (emotional protection) A platform for growth (because safety frees the brain to learn) Regulating Attachment Triggers When triggered, our heart rate and breathing speed up (fight or flight response) Learning how to slow physical reactions (e.g. slow out breath) creates internal safety This pause allows curiosity and respect for our feelings instead of attacking or shutting down (retreat) Finale All behaviours makes sense in context Safety enables learning Slowing down can create safety Lastly, let’s learn to use a slow out breath to soothe our heart rate. As our reaction soften, our curiosity grow. Curiosity brings openness to other. Openness brings vulnerability. And vulnerability is the heartbeat of all intimate relationship. Merrylands, 4 November 2025 Rizal Ul Fikri CJI Share this post: Recent Posts Rich, Wealthy, dan Makna Kemakmuran Mar 1, 2026 Empowering Citizen Journalism Mar 1, 2026 Copyright © 2026 Citizen journalism interdependen - All Rights Reserved.

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